ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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