another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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