Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
