Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
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