I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
