We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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