I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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