forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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