It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm always down for nudity.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
