Need sex. Gaining weight.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
please don't ironically join a cult
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