I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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