I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
