mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
