my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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