The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
