that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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