I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
