butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I smell stomach acid.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm always down for nudity.
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