so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I would have been very attracted to her had she not been reading me my Miranda Rights
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
