It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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