So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
