I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
