i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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