I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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