Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
There was a lot of him and a little penis
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
