Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
