When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize