I must be too annoying 4 u.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
