'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Randomize
