woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
