woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
