Just took my morning after pill in the library
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Randomize
