I wish i was in the wii world.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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