i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
