oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
