So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Barsexuality is the new black.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
