some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Randomize