What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Randomize