TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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