i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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