I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
