Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Randomize
