im about as happy as oj after his trial
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Randomize
