If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You ruined the universe
Randomize