Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
