K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
