I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
