Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Michelle Duggar likes to fuuuuck
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
