turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
