p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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