I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Damn victory sex feels great
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
