no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
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