You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
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