she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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