We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
