i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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