So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
