K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
