And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Randomize