I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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