The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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