Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
