we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Randomize